Welcome! I’m creating this space to house an unfiltered journey of self-exploration, selfishly for me, but also (I’m hoping) for you.
I’m going to share what I know and love — writing and photography, but have recently been exploring poetry. So that’s what you can expect, along with snippets of life experiences as I start to parse through all that I’ve repressed over the last decade while trying on every identity I thought was mine.
Around here, identity is a dirty word. It’s the shadowy figure living in your head rent-free. It’s the culprit pulling the strings of discontent, conflict, hatred and violence in the world. It’s what I had to let go of, and have to religiously remind myself to let go of, daily. Hourly. With every breath and every interaction. It’s exhausting until it isn’t. And when you can finally exorcise all need for an identity from your body, mind, soul, you’ll be free.
Since I can remember, my coping mechanisms have involved some form of numbing or distraction. Whether it was substances, working, trying to be super-mom, or squeezing the life out of newfound creative passions, I would have added anything to my to-do list if it meant I might finally feel “enough”.
When I left the corporate world and took a leap to follow creative pursuits, I was already in my 30’s. I knew I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life behind a desk, but was also petrified to start a business and fail. Little did I know I would do both very quickly, and in epic fashion.
I wish that at any point on my dream-chasing journey that someone, anyone, had told me I didn’t have anything to prove. Had urged me to stop and celebrate the fact that I was getting to do amazing things and bringing my creative ideas to life. Instead, I became the poster child for hustle culture, missed a large chunk of my kids’ childhood, and almost became another divorce statistic. I was so stressed and burnt out for so long, I damaged my body and mind in ways I’ll have to live with forever.
A series of even more unfortunate events pushed me so far down I had no choice but to just let go. It was in that place - rock bottom - that I found healing. I was forced to sit with my emotions, fears, anger and blame, and just accept that if things were not going to get better externally, it was up to me to get better internally. I had already lost so many years, and refused to let past mistakes eat up more precious time and energy.
It took years, but I’m now happier and more fulfilled than I’ve ever been. My marriage is the most secure and open it’s ever been. In spite of facing significant setbacks to our life plans (and still digging our way out), we are so content. When we finally let go of all expectations, we started receiving opportunities from the universe that we never would have recognized, or accepted, from the place of fear we lived in before.
I feel like I’ve been given a second chance at life. It’s empowered me to share my experiences in hopes others won’t have to go through what I did to find their purpose. To find joy in the now. To love the person you are today, and not wish for the person you were or will be tomorrow.
A little more on me…
(to be clear, this is not my identity but roles that heavily influence my worldviews)
A daughter-of-vietnameserefugees-momof2-once-adagencymarketer-turned-stayathomemom-turned-professionalphotographer-turned-productdesigner-turned-ecomchildrensbrandowner-turned-bipolarIIdiagnosed-turnedrecoveringalcoholic-turned-3yearssober-turned-buddhistyogi-turned-writer-turned-crafterofallthingsuselessandjoyful-turned-lifelongstudent-turned…
Human Being living her best life with child-like wonder (and no F’s left to give).
I’m so happy you’re here. I hope reading will make you feel a little less alone, a little more seen, and remind you that you’re more than enough. We’re human BE-ings, not human DO-ings — there’s nowhere to go and nothing to be.
-Christina
Tips from my favorite philosopher, Gudetama:
